


if you forgive me all this

by anisstaranise



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Divorce, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:02:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25651069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anisstaranise/pseuds/anisstaranise
Summary: “I love you,” Sebastian whispered.They have said those words before. It took them two whole years to realize that what they had was more than an affair. And even though it hurt most of the time to be that kept someone, Sebastian had made peace with it. This way, he had Blaine. Perhaps the only way.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Original Male Character(s), Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 51





	if you forgive me all this

**Author's Note:**

> Sequel to [These Foolish Games.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4478600) This story has been in my head for five years, since the first part was written in 2015. Better late than never.
> 
> Originally written for **Seblaine Week 2020**. Day 5: Hurt/Comfort.  
> Title and lyrics from Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back to Me Now."
> 
> Much thanks to [ttinycourageous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/define_serenity/pseuds/define_serenity) for the cheerleading and the beta.
> 
> And my love and thanks to [JustAPassingGlance](https://archiveofourown.org/users/justapassingglance) for answering my queries on legal procedures/terms and the New York geography.

_There were those empty threats and hollow lies_.

“So, dinner at seven?

The phone warmed against his cheek, Sebastian lost track of time as he often did when he talked to Blaine. There was something romantic about being on the phone and just _talking_ , especially in the day and age of texting. Some people don’t even text _words_. Just emojis- which made him really glad for all the verbal conversations he had with his lover.

“Yes, I’m really looking forward to it,” came Blaine’s response, loud and cheery before lowering his voice to say, “And I’m really looking forward to fucking your brains out tonight.”

Sebastian nearly dropped the tote full of groceries clutched in his arm, his face flushing. Blaine had been away on vacation with his children, his husband to Los Angeles, taking advantage of a break in his Broadway schedule. In the last three years of their affair, not seeing Blaine for a whole month was the longest they had gone without being with each other. Suffice to say it had been torture. He missed his lover; his touch, his kisses- everything.

They did, however, manage to steal a moment once or twice, where Blaine had watched Sebastian pleasure himself with the many sex toys he kept to keep things interesting in bed via a video call, instructing him to do the things just how he liked it. Sebastian had come screaming, spilling all over his closed fist around his shaft, onto his chest. It had been the first time they had done that; video call sex was the new phone sex and it was amazing.

But nothing beat being with each other physically, and tonight was the night. They would be reunited. Oh, the plans Sebastian had in mind for Blaine. To lay him on the bed and take his time pleasuring his lover with his mouth, his hands.

“So am I,” Sebastian replied breathily, heart already stuttering at the thought of being with Blaine again after a whole damn month.

He switched the phone from one ear to the other, grinning wide as he turned the lock of his apartment door. He strode straight into the kitchen, placing the groceries on the island. Sebastian glanced at the clock. 4:30pm.

A few more hours until his lover arrived.

“I love you,” Sebastian whispered. 

They have said those words before. It took them two whole years to realize that what they had was more than an affair. And even though it hurt most of the time to be that kept _someone_ , Sebastian had made peace with it. This way, he had Blaine. Perhaps the only way.

And he was too weak with love and affection for his lover to ever want anything more.

“Sebastian-” Blaine whispered back and he could hear the smile in his lover’s voice. “- I -”

Suddenly, there was a loud thud in the background. A door opening wide, he deduced. Then, the voices of Blaine’s children, his husband rose louder.

“- I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number.”

The following tell-tale _click_ of the call ending was deafening to Sebastian’s ear. He stared at the dark-screened phone for a beat or two- perhaps more- before he set it on the island and started pulling pots and dishes out to make dinner.

A minute later, his phone chimed. A received message. He knew without looking what it would say. This wasn’t the first time; wasn’t the first time Blaine hadn’t been able to return his _I love you_ s, wasn’t the first time his lover had to feign disinterest to disguise their call as something other than what it was. And every time, it hurt. But still, he ignored the sting of that end-call _click_ and opened up the message anyway.

_Kids just got home. I’m sorry. I love you._

A small smile tugged at his lips despite his aching heart. He then glanced up at the clock once more. 4:34pm. 

A few more hours. His lover would be arriving.

\---

_And whenever you tried to hurt me  
_ _I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper_.

If he were to retrace the events of today, Sebastian wouldn’t be able to recall what had triggered the fight. Perhaps it was all a long time coming, a build-up of tensions and bitterness between the two of them. The toll it took to keep a relationship secret. To love a married man.

Three years was a long time to harbour hurt, anger and heartbreak. Every fight, every argument a brick stacked one over the other, towering until one day- today- it had all come crashing down.

“Your kids deserve more than this, Blaine,” Sebastian yelled, furious that once again, his lover had neglected his parenting duties and used _him_ as an excuse. 

“It’s just a Little League game,” Blaine dismissed coolly, his arms reaching for him.

Sebastian stepped out of reach.

“You’re hurting them,” Sebastian said, heart heavy with all the blows from earlier, hurtling venomous words that cut just right. _You’re hurting me_ , he didn’t say.

Blaine glared. “Meeting them twice in the last year doesn’t make you an expert on them, Sebastian.”

Sebastian bristled at that. It was true that he never had many opportunities to bond with Maisie and Henry, but of the handful of times he did in their three years together, he had loved them in an instant. They were good kids, dealt a shitty hand when it came to parents. Sebastian could relate.

“Well, isn’t that more time than _you’ve_ spent with them lately, Blaine?” he bit out.

Blaine sighed, deflating.

The living room was cast in shadows now, the bright mid-morning sun gone. Outside, a storm was brewing.

“Your nanny is more a parent to your kids than you and Eli are.”

Eli Cuthbert. Broadway-turned-TV star. Blaine Anderson’s husband of almost 12 years.

“Sebastian, I am trying!”

“You’re not trying hard enough! Not for them!”

Thunder rolled in the distance. Blaine stood before him seething.

“I can’t speak for Eli but you need to get your shit together.”

“Eli had to leave on short notice. He was supposed to go to Henry’s game. You and me, we already had plans to-”

“No,” Sebastian cut him off, seething too. “Don’t do that. Don’t use me as an excuse to bail out on your kids.”

“I didn’t want to cancel with you. Eli-”

“Eli is seeing someone else, Blaine! You and I both know that.”

Over the past few months, tabloids have been hounding Eli and his young co-star. Ambiguous pictures kept the celebrity news sites busy. Always, Eli had a perfectly crafted and innocent explanation for it. 

Blaine and Eli’s publicist had released a statement shortly after some of the more clear-cut paparazzi photos had emerged of them caught in an embrace: “Nick and Eli are just good friends, brought closer by the grueling hours of shooting a television series. Eli remains committed to his husband, Blaine and their two children.”

“You wouldn’t understand,” Blaine muttered under his breath.

“What wouldn’t I understand?”

“We’re married, Sebastian. We made a vow,” Blaine shouted, the sheer frustration visible in the raised vein on his temples, his neck.

 _Vow_.

The word coaxed a bitter laugh out of him. Such a ridiculous notion considering the unhappiness that vow had caused Blaine over the years, so much so that he sought comfort and pleasure in Sebastian’s arms.

And what of their vows to each other? The tacit ones made every time Blaine showed up at his door, every kiss pressed to his skin, every whispered _I love you_ s in the dark? 

There was a rage festering within Sebastian now.

 _Vow_. Bullshit.

“And yet you break them every time you’re with me.”

Blaine scowled, his eyes darkening, dangerous. Sebastian could see the venom poised on his tongue- and he braced for it.

“I didn’t hear you complain about breaking my vow to my husband when I was balls deep in you last night.”

And there it was; the venom administered directly into his veins, injecting him with the pain of loving someone else’s husband. Words meant to hurt, humiliate. 

Three years of this. No more, Sebastian decided at that moment.

_No more._

“Get out,” Sebastian breathed, fuming.

Blaine stilled.

Sebastian’s eyes burned with unshed tears, his throat constricting around the words he couldn’t say. 

“Sebastian-”

“Please,” he begged, tired. “Just- please. Get out.” And he strode to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He slid to the floor just as he heard Blaine walk out the front door, the slam rattling the thin walls.

The rain was pounding against the window in earnest now. And he finally let the tears fall.

\---

 _But when you touch me like this,  
_ _And you hold me like that.  
_ _I just have to admit that it’s all coming back to me_.

Blaine had left exactly six days ago. No calls. No texts. Just… silence. 

Sebastian missed Blaine, the place in him where his lover had carved and built a home there for the past three years felt hollow. A void of empty vows and lies they told themselves.

And for six days, the weather had been dreary. Cold blustery winds. Lazy drizzles in the late afternoons. It was as though nature was mirroring the state of Sebastian’s heart, his mind. Was this what life looked like without Blaine? He hardly remembered a time before Blaine- or a time when he was convinced he could walk away from this affair, that he could always not open the door when Blaine came knocking.

Three years too late for all that now. And he was three years too deep in love, weakened by it, by all the times they had spent together.

The sun rose on the seventh day with not a cloud in the sky. The past rainy week rendered a distant memory in the sun rays. Sebastian scratched at the nicotine patch on his arm. He hadn’t needed a smoke since he quit a year ago. But the urge was stronger today- the whole week, in fact. And so he had slapped the patch on, determined to not break, to not relapse into bad habits.

 _Tap_.

Sebastian’s heart stuttered, then beat wildly at the sound.

 _Tap_.

Hope blossomed painfully in his chest. _Tap_.

Sebastian peered out the window to find Blaine, pebbles in hand and a solemn smile etched on his face. He fidgeted with the nicotine patch again and sighed. Sebastian wasn’t a religious man but he found himself praying-

Praying for the strength to leave Blaine where he was, sun-kissed on the sidewalk with pebbles in his hand. He was determined to not break, to not relapse into yet another bad habit. 

_No more._

But it was no use. Because Sebastian was already walking to the front door, buzzing his lover in. 

Once he entered the apartment, Blaine wasted no time with small talk as he snaked his arms tenderly around Sebastian’s neck and kissed him hungrily. He then pressed his lips to both of Sebastian’s eyelids, his brows, his forehead, his nose, his cheeks, his chin, and back to his lips, punctuating each kiss with _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_.

Again, Sebastian prayed-

Prayed that his arms would stay still at his side. But there would be no deliverance; his arms were already wrapping themselves around Blaine’s waist, holding him there. Steadfast. An anchor.

“I love you,” Blaine murmured against his lips. “I’m so sorry.”

Not for the first time in three years, Sebastian realized he would never be able to break his habit of forgiving Blaine.

\---

 _There were things I’d never do again but then they’d always seem right.  
_ _There were nights of endless pleasure, more than any laws allowed._

Spindly silhouettes danced on the ceiling as moonlight beamed through the slats of the Venetian blinds.

Sebastian laid awake in bed, staring up at the shadows, his mind whirring. Beside him, Blaine laid asleep. 

There was a soreness to his body; a satisfying result of their love making. Sex with Blaine was an addiction, something he couldn’t quite get enough of. The way their bodies moved together, taking pleasure as much as giving. It was a dance they had perfected in the last three years.

Yet, the soreness in his heart was a different one entirely.

“Why can’t I quit you?” Sebastian said quietly in the dark.

It ached to expel the words in the shadows, never quite brave enough to utter them in the light of day. But he felt braver somehow cloaked in moonbeams and dancing silhouettes. 

Blaine stirred next to him.

And then-

“Do you want to?” came Blaine’s query.

His lover’s question should have startled him. Blaine was supposed to be asleep, wasn’t supposed to have heard the words meant for the dark. But perhaps Sebastian knew he would, knew for a fact that Blaine wasn’t quite asleep. Three years in bed with this man he loved- he could sense all the tells.

Perhaps that was exactly why he had uttered those words.

“Yes,” came his reply, surprised at the sheer honesty.

Sebastian was no fool. His therapist had warned him of the toxic nature of his relationship with Blaine. His friends, Jeff and Wes, tried to intervene, to set him up on blind dates with men they deemed to be better than Blaine, more worthy of him.

Time and again, Sebastian was adamant in his decision, in choosing Blaine. _I love him_ , he would say. _And he loves me_. Simple as that.

But lately he had been feeling too bruised, too defeated by the love he harboured for Blaine. In retrospect, he had been in love enough times to know that love shouldn’t be like this, feel like this. And yet-

Perhaps love wasn’t as simple as that at all.

“Do you really want to?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because you hurt me,” Sebastian answered as his eyes traced the shadows on the ceiling, purposely keeping his gaze away from his lover. Who knew if he could ever answer as sincerely if he looked in Blaine’s eyes? “Because you break my heart, over and over.”

In the darkness, a tear slid silently down his temple. 

Blaine instantly moved, the covers rustling as he draped his body over Sebastian’s, pressing his lips to the tear tracks. 

There was an earnestness to the gesture as Blaine trailed his lips down his cheek, along his jawline, nipping at his pulse point.

 _I’m sorry_ , Sebastian heard him say.

 _I’m sorry_.

In the moonlight, Sebastian sought Blaine’s lips by instinct. Quitting Blaine was the fantasy of a braver man. Or perhaps a man who didn’t love quite so fiercely. Because that was what it was- he loved Blaine too much to ever quit him, bruised heart or not.

Love wasn’t simple. Their love was messy. And it sure as fuck was complicated. But it would always be enough for him. To love Blaine and be loved by Blaine.

That was all he ever wanted; to be enough.

He kissed Blaine ardently, legs spreading wider. His lover’s weight on him was a welcomed rapture. And when Blaine pushed into him, Sebastian wrapped his legs around his lover’s waist; an addiction satiated. He pulled Blaine closer, deeper as he ignored the ache of his bruised heart. 

\---

 _If I kiss you like this.  
_ _And if you whisper like that_.

Sebastian cracked an egg, then two. The eggs sizzled noisily in the pan, the moisture introduced to the hot oil splattering wildly. The kitchen smelled like freshly squeezed orange juice and bacon grease. He breathed in the mouth-watering scents deeply as he moved to the island to spread cream cheese on the bagels. There were smoked salmons and capers for toppings; just how Blaine liked it.

When he turned to place the plated eggs a minute later on the island, he found Blaine standing in the doorway, hands in the pockets of his pajama bottoms, leaning against the frame. He always looked so soft in the mornings, eyes bright after a good night’s rest. And Sebastian loved him, just like this.

He flashed his lover a lazy smile before striding towards the toaster. Just as the toasted slices popped up, two strong arms encircled his waist from behind. Blaine’s warm breath seeped through the faded t-shirt Sebastian had thrown on when he woke up as his lover buried his face on his back, along his spine.

“Please, Sebastian-” Blaine whispered into his skin. “Please don’t quit me.”

His heart stuttered.

“Please,” his lover begged. 

Slowly, Sebastian covered a hand over Blaine’s. He traced idle circles on his skin before lifting them to his lips. He pressed a kiss to his lover’s hand. Then another. And another.

It was another tacit vow, one more to throw in with the rest that had been accumulating over the past three years.

“Looks like you’ll be stuck with me for a very long time, Anderson,” he teased but his words were heavy with truth, with promise.

For better or worse, he loved Blaine. Simple as that.

\---

 _There were hours that just went on for days_.

Wispy clouds drifted languidly in the breeze, the sun shining mutedly behind it. The cursor on the screen blinked morosely at him as Sebastian stared at the half-completed spreadsheet. He had been distracted these days, more so at work when the day was slow.

Other than sporadic texts and less-than-a-minute calls, Sebastian hadn’t seen Blaine in weeks. Blaine kept attesting that he was alright, and that he missed him. 

“I just need to get something done. Trust me, Sebastian,” Blaine had assured.

“I do.” His reply came easily. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

It was a little over a month of not seeing each other when the news broke. Sebastian’s phone lit up all day with countless texts, and calls from Jeff and Wes; none of which he could answer due to his company’s weekly meeting.

Once the meeting wrapped up, Sebastian dashed to the men’s room and promptly unlocked his phone. There were numerous texts with links to celebrity gossip sites. He clicked one at random. The one from Wes. When the page loaded, he almost dropped his phone in shock:

 **The End of Broadway’s Power Couple: Blaine Anderson and Eli Cuthbert call it quits**. 

Sebastian’s heart was pounding in his chest. He was sure anyone who entered the men’s room would hear it echoing off the walls, the tiles.

 _Blaine Anderson and Eli Cuthbert met when they starred together in the Broadway musical,_ Passionate You and Me _, and soon fell in love, eloping to Las Vegas. After 12 years of marriage, the couple are separating. Anderson filed for divorce last Thursday with the New York State Supreme Court. Official documents cite Irretrievable Breakdown as grounds for divorce._

There was a ringing in Sebastian’s ear as he read the article.

Blaine and Eli? Divorce?

Just then, his phone chimed. A text from Blaine.

 _Meet me at this address. 5:30pm_.

At the end of the work day, Sebastian had bolted out of the building and hailed a cab around the corner, hurriedly giving the address in the text to the driver. Traffic was blissfully lax at this hour as the cab cruised smoothly to the destination. All the while, it felt like his heart would beat right out of his chest.

Twenty minutes later, Sebastian found himself standing in front of a handsome apartment building in East Village. The complex didn’t have that many floors, especially when compared to some neighbouring apartments. 15 storeys, he counted. The exposed brick facade gave it a timeless look, simultaneously modern and bygone.

Blaine greeted him in the lobby a moment later, a nervous smile etched on his handsome face. He slipped his hand in Sebastian’s, lacing their fingers together as he gently tugged him towards the elevators.

“I want to show you something,” Blaine said, punching the _PH_ button on the shiny console.

They rode the elevator in silence. Sebastian couldn’t seem to form the words to ask all the questions racing through his mind. He felt like his heart was in his throat. He chanced a glance at his lover. He was wearing soft gray trousers that accentuated his curves with a simple black polo. The coils of Blaine’s curls were styled neatly, embellishing his already attractive look. God, did he love this man.

A melodic ding pierced the quiet, announcing their arrival at the penthouse. The doors slid open and Sebastian sucked in an awed breath at the sight that greeted him.

The elevator opened right into the unit’s foyer. It was filled with sunlight streaming through the elegant floor-to-ceiling French windows. Sleek hardwood floors gleamed where the sun rays bounced off it. Sebastian stepped gingerly into the penthouse.

“Blaine, what is this place?”

Sebastian’s feet carried him further into the unit. He noted the open concept kitchen with a huge island, perhaps triple the size of his modest one in his Washington Heights apartment. There was a hallway leading off to where he presumed would be the bedrooms. How many there were he couldn’t tell considering the size of the penthouse. A handsome fireplace sat adjacent to the patio doors that opened up to a balcony garden. Beyond the balustrade, the view of the Williamsburg Bridge was absolutely breath-taking.

“This is home,” Blaine replied somewhere behind him.

Sebastian whirled around at that, arching a brow quizzically.

“Home?”

He watched Blaine chew on his lower lip before his lover answered. “At least, I would like to make it a home here, with you. With Maisie and Henry.”

His breath caught in his chest. A home. With his kids. Something overwhelming was welling up within him.

“The divorce- you didn’t-”

“It was something I needed to do on my own. I needed to be clear with Eli where I stood in the marriage- or whatever was left of it.”

Sebastian nodded. Blaine had his reasons for not telling him, not including him in that particular decision-making. Of course he would have liked it if Blaine had told him, confided in him instead of bearing that burden alone. But he understood as much that this was something his lover needed to do alone.

“I lawyered up right after I told Eli I wanted a divorce. Bastard wasn’t even surprised,” Blaine said, chuckling darkly. “I may have beaten him with filing the papers by a day or two.”

Sebastian shut his eyes and turned towards the patio doors. He could hardly breathe.

“What happens now?” he asked, slowly opening his eyes to take in the view of the Brooklyn skyline across the East River.

Blaine came to stand next to him, their arms touching. They both had their eyes on the horizon and Sebastian could feel his chest expanding at the endless possibilities that lay ahead of them.

 _I would like to make it a home here, with you_.

“Come have dinner with me and the kids tonight,” Blaine said, eyes still set on the view before them. “I want to properly introduce you. Who you are to me.”

His breathing was ragged now, heart galloping a mile a minute. A beat passed before he turned to face his lover. 

“And who might that be?”

Blaine turned his head lazily and flashed Sebastian his beautiful smile that never ceased to make him go weak at the knees. “I want to tell them that you’re the one I want to spend all my todays, all my tomorrows with. I want them to know you’re the love of my life.”

Sebastian’s heart skipped a beat. _Love of my life_.

“Blaine,” he breathed before grabbing the front of his lover’s shirt and pulled him in for a searing kiss. 

He could feel Blaine smiling into the kiss, unbridled joy etched with the glides of their lips.

“Yes,” Sebastian whispered, pressing his forehead against Blaine’s. It was all he said, that one word. _Yes_. But it was packed with so many responses to so many requests, so many wants, so many vows.

Blaine sighed. It was a happy sound.

“Dinner at seven, then?”

Tilting to look at him, Blaine smiled and nodded. But a moment later, his smile faltered.

“I want to know them again, Sebastian,” Blaine confessed, his voice breaking slightly. “My kids are growing up so fast and I don’t know them. But I want to. I love them with everything that I am.”

A tear slipped down his lover’s cheek. Sebastian readily wiped it away.

“Let’s start at dinner, tonight,” he said, cradling his lover’s face in both his hands. He held it gently, carefully, like Blaine was the most precious thing in the world. “You and me, we get to know them starting tonight.”

“Tonight,” Blaine echoed. “And every day from here on out.”

A little after 7 o’clock, Sebastian found himself seated at a rickety table for four. It was covered by a worn red and white chequered table cloth. At the center of the table was a large pizza with pepperoni and basil, laden with extra mushrooms and cheese, more than half its slices gone.

Blaine had opted for this particular hole-in-the-wall pizza place that was most likely only known by those who had grown up in this part of the East Village. His lover had his connections and was assured this was the best place for pizza, and a place private enough that they wouldn’t be hounded by story-hungry paparazzi. 

Opposite Sebastian sat Henry, Blaine’s talkative and energetic son. Seven going on eight, Henry had traded dinosaurs- something he had loved with a passion when Sebastian first met him at age five- for baseball. 

“But it’s the Yankees!” Henry claimed, voice shrill with excitement.

Sebastian had always gotten along with Henry the handful of times they had spent together over the years. Perhaps he was younger and unaware of his parents’ precarious state of marriage- or the fragile state of happiness in his home. Or perhaps it was merely his personality- like Blaine’s- to be generous with his friendship, to share his passion, regardless of whatever state his surroundings were in.

A three-and-a-half year old memory played in Sebastian’s mind; of bumping into Blaine in a dim-lit cafe for an open mic night. Of Blaine extending his friendship when Sebastian knew he didn’t deserve it. Not after a prank gone wrong in high school. Years after the incident, after graduating high school, Sebastian had carried the guilt still. But Blaine hadn’t held a grudge. He would always be grateful to Blaine for that kindness. He saw so much of it in Henry now, too.

“How can you not like the Yankees?” the boy asked, pulling Sebastian out of his wandering thoughts.

Sebastian chuckled. “My grandma was born and raised in Brooklyn. And she was a Dodgers fan. She passed that love down to me.”

At the corner of his eye, Sebastian caught Blaine smiling softly at their conversation.

“But the Dodgers aren’t even Brooklyn anymore!” Henry exclaimed, sounding scandalized. “They haven’t been since the ‘50s!”

Blaine and Sebastian both laughed at that, making Sebastian’s chest glow warmly. This could be his normal now. Family dinners together. Never spending time apart unnecessarily. Talking baseball over pizzas.

This could be _their_ normal.

“It’s about the history, bud,” he explained, popping a pepperoni into his mouth he had pinched off of Blaine’s slice of pizza. 

Henry straightened in his seat, hands animatedly waving around as he talked. “If you want to talk about history, let’s talk about Babe Ruth,” the boy chimed. “Best Yankees pitcher in history. He helped the Yankees win four World Series.”

“Well, Dodgers had Jackie Robinson. First Black player in the Major League baseball. He played six World Series games in his career- _and_ he helped the team win it in ‘55. Isn’t that amazing?”

The boy gaped at him. The next moment, Henry whipped out his iPad from his backpack undoubtedly turning to Google to fact-check Sebastian’s claims. 

“No screens at the dinner table, Henry,” Blaine chastised gently.

“Please, Dad,” the boy begged. “Just one minute. I want to know more about Jackie Robinson.” He turned the tablet over so his father could see his fruitful search; lists of Wikipedia pages and MLB career statistics threads.

Blaine let out a small laugh and conceded, watching the boy turn his attention back to his Jackie Robinson findings.

A quiet movement to his left caught Sebastian’s attention. His gaze fell on Maisie fidgeting with the tattered paper menu on the table, folding it here and there. 

Sebastian’s nerves tripped at the sight, making him anxious not for the first time that night. While the rapport he forged with Henry came easily, it wasn’t the case with Maisie. She was always quiet and reserved, only spoke when spoken to. But the handful of times he had met her, Sebastian found that Maisie was highly observant. 

Once, at a trip to the zoo together, Maisie had asked if Sebastian loved her father.

“He’s my friend,” Sebastian had said instead, not answering her question.

She had narrowed her eyes at him then, like she was insulted that he dared to undermine her intelligence. “Dad smiles at you differently. And you smile at Dad the way Papa should, but doesn’t.”

Maisie had skipped away after that, leaving Sebastian speechless in front of the otter exhibit at the Brooklyn Zoo.

Presently, the girl hardly touched her food, opting to nibble on the mozzarella sticks instead. 

“You didn’t eat your slice, Maisie. Would you like another kind of pizza?” Sebastian asked, gently trying to coax her into a conversation.

“No, thank you. Not very hungry,” she answered without looking up from the paper in her hands.

Sebastian deflated at that. He wanted so badly to have the same kind of ease with Maisie he did with Henry. But he wasn’t met with enthusiasm, with warmth. Perhaps with time. He could be patient. For his little family, he could.

Next to him, Blaine cleared his throat. Sebastian turned to regard his lover. The lines of Blaine’s shoulder were wound so tight, so rigid. Their eyes met. Sebastian understood. His lover nodded pointedly. It was time.

“Maisie, Henry,” Blaine called his children gently, all his love evident in his tone. “There’s something I want to talk to you about.”

At that, Maisie abandoned her folded paper. Henry returned his iPad to his backpack. Both turned their rapt attention to their father.

“Papa and I- we-,” Blaine started and faltered. “The thing is-” he tried again. “- marrying your Papa was one of the best decisions I have ever made- because along the years, I got two beautiful children.”

Blaine folded his hands on the table. Sebastian noted they were trembling a little. This was a crucial thing he was about to lay on the table before his children and Sebastian itched to hold those hands in his. But he resisted. Not yet. This was something he knew his lover had to do on his own. And he trusted him.

“I haven’t been around as much as I should and I know I haven’t been the best dad to you both,” Blaine said, looking from his daughter to his son. “And I’m so so sorry.”

Unprompted, Henry covered his father's hand with his own. Blaine smiled down at his son. 

“I promise from now on, that’s going to change. That I will be there for you- always. Be it your Little League games, Henry- or your science fairs, Maisie.”

Henry beamed at that. Maisie offered a small smile.

“But for me and your Papa- well, we have grown to be two different people now. Way different than the people we were when we got married. And what we want is different now, too.”

The children’s faces fell. Sebastian could see Blaine’s courage faltering too at the sight of his daughter and son’s dejected looks. But he carried on steadfastly.

“I will always love your Papa. He will always be this big part of my life. But-” Blaine paused, composing himself. “- but now that love is different, just like who we’ve become and what we want. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t need me and Papa to stay together anymore.”

Silence blanketed the table. A moment passed. Then another. Until-

“You and Papa are getting a divorce.”

Maisie didn’t frame it as a question. She said it in that matter-of-fact way she did when she told Sebastian of how his father smiled at him. Ten years old and wise beyond her years in that way that most children from broken families often were, forced to grow up too soon because the adults in their lives couldn’t get their shit together. And it broke Sebastian’s heart.

“Yes,” came Blaine’s response and he delved into telling them the processes that he had gone through to file for the divorce and what was going to happen from now on. He warned them of the rise in paparazzi numbers at their school or when they’re out with Clara, their nanny, but assured them they would not be harmed. “I’ll do everything in my power to protect you, I promise. And I swear to you both that Papa and I love you so much and that is something that will never, ever change. I need you two to know that, okay? And to know that me and Papa growing apart isn’t your fault. It’s just something that happens between adults sometimes.”

Henry sighed sadly. Maisie’s mouth was pressed in a hard line.

“It’s not your fault,” Blaine reassured them.

“Do we have to move?” Henry asked with a whimper.

“Yes, Henry, I’m sorry.”

“Will Sebastian be moving with us?” came Maisie’s question.

Sebastian was so caught off guard that he found himself holding his breath. Maisie’s astute observation struck again. He looked to Blaine for the appropriate response. Blaine turned his gaze on him a moment, then two, before holding out a hand.

Slowly, Sebastian reached for it. They entwined their fingers. He finally exhaled.

“Yes,” Blaine answered.

“If it’s alright with you and Henry,” Sebastian added quickly, his heart beating wildly against his ribcage.

Across from him, Henry nodded solemnly. Maisie leveled a stare at her father.

“Sebastian is important to me,” Blaine said, meeting his daughter’s stare with grace. “In the years since I’ve known Sebastian, my friendship with him has changed into something… special, something more.”

Sebastian’s throat tightened with emotion. 

“And I love Sebastian, in a way that I never want to be apart from him, not even for a day.”

There was a weight once lodged so tight in Sebastian’s chest, manifested by the pressure of a three-year secret relationship, and it was coming undone now. How freeing a few simple words could be.

Maisie dropped her gaze back to her folded paper, her fingers fiddling with it once more. Henry looked from his sister to his father to Sebastian, uncertain. 

Sebastian knew there were so many ways things could go tonight, knew his presence and what it meant could be met with anger, with hostility, with screams and shouts. Whatever it was, their reactions would have been valid. Their parents were separating and someone else had claimed their father’s affections. He knew exactly what kind of resentment that kind of sentiment could elicit. He had personally experienced it when his parents divorced when he was fifteen; the year he had met Blaine at Dalton and the beginnings of his downward spiral into teen rebellion, into thinking rock-salt in slushies were a good idea.

When he made his way with Blaine to the pizza place earlier, he had braced for whatever was to come, had carefully checked his expectations on how Maisie and Henry would take the news of him being the one their father had chosen to be with instead of their Papa.

“Are you happy with Sebastian, Dad?” Maisie asked, quietly.

Sebastian reeled. He wasn’t expecting _that_.

“What?”

Maisie looked up and squared her shoulders. Such a grown up gesture, Sebastian noted. 

“Clara says you’re never around because you and Papa weren’t happy. That you were away so often because you were looking for something that could make you happy again,” Maisie expounded, her brown eyes glinting a shade lighter than her Dad’s. Her Papa’s eyes. 

Next to him, Blaine made a pained sound like he was just punched in the gut. Perhaps Maisie’s words did just that. “Oh, sweetheart…”

In a swift motion, Blaine was out of his chair, kneeling between his son and daughter, draping his arms around each child, muttering _I’m sorry_ as he peppered them with kisses. Sebastian's heart swelled at the sight.

“I _am_ happy,” Blaine finally said, answering Maisie’s question. “You and Henry and Sebastian. All of you make me happy. I’m never leaving again.”

After dinner, Blaine’s driver parked by the curb as he waited for the little family to gather their jackets and to-go bags of leftover pizzas. Henry fist-bumped Sebastian in farewell before bounding into the car like the ball of energy he was. Blaine kissed him good night- short and chaste- but made something splendid explode in his chest. They got to do this now; freely, openly, no longer a secret.

“You sure we can’t drop you off in Washington Heights?” Blaine asked for the third time since they stepped out of the pizza place.

“Nah. Could use the walk.”

“If you’re sure,” Blaine said, pecking another kiss to his lips simply because he could now, then climbed into the car after his son.

Just then, he whirled around when he felt a tug at his sleeve. He found Maisie looking up at him sheepishly. 

“You still smile at Dad like that,” she said.

Sebastian couldn’t help his own smile curling on his lips as the memory of their conversation at the zoo years ago came to mind. “And how do I smile at your dad, Maisie?”

She was quiet for a while, like she was thinking her words over. Then, with a little crease in her brow, she said “Like Dad is the most precious thing in this world.”

A laugh rumbled in his chest. “I suppose he is,” Sebastian uttered happily, looking back at Blaine in the car, talking animatedly with Henry as they waited for Maisie. He then turned back to the girl, holding her gaze. “And so are you, Maisie. You and Henry and your dad, you’re all very precious to me, too.”

At that, Maisie smiled brightly. It made Sebastian’s insides melt and glow and flutter all at the same time. Then, wordlessly, she held out something gingerly pinched between her fingers. 

“What’s this?” Sebastian asked, reaching out to receive the proffered thing. 

But Maisie didn’t answer. Only smiled and clambered into the car, joining her brother and father. 

When the car pulled away from the curb and merged with the evening traffic, Sebastian looked down at Maisie’s gift in his palm. It was the paper menu, folded meticulously into an origami heart. 

Smiling, Sebastian slipped the precious origami in the inside pocket of his jacket for safekeeping, then turned on his heel and headed for the subway station.

\---

 _If you forgive me all this.  
_ _If I forgive you all that_.

“Sebastian!”

Sebastian craned his neck towards the distressed call coming from down the hall.

“Yeah?” he called back.

“I can’t find my saber in my fencing bag,” Maisie yelled her answer, voice carrying all the way from her bedroom. That girl had her dad’s voice projection, to be honest. “Have you seen it?”

His hands were sudsy from rinsing the dishes they used for breakfast so he stepped carefully away from the sink and towards the mouth of the hallway. He didn’t quite share the Andersons voice projection.

“It’s in my office. I cleaned it last night.”

He listened to hurried footsteps heading further down the hall as Maisie trudged on towards his home office. These days, Sebastian did freelance work that he happily did from home; bookkeeping for firms and smaller businesses in need of an outsourced accountant.

Sebastian returned to the dishes, loading the rinsed plates and cereal bowls into the dishwasher. Just as he switched the machine on, Henry came barrelling into the kitchen. 

“Forgot my headphones,” the boy said as he grabbed a pair of wireless headphones from the kitchen table before dashing back out again.

“Henry James Anderson-Cuthbert, no running in the house!” Sebastian reprimanded.

“Sorry, Sebastian,” Henry called back without slowing his pace.

He shook his head, amused at the ten year-old’s energy, before drying off his hands with the rag hanging on the oven’s handle. He took in the little duck patterns on the cloth, remembering the day he had bought it for this kitchen, this home.

It had been two years since Blaine had filed for divorce; a whole 24 months. And it had been 23 months since Sebastian moved into the penthouse with his lover and his children. Blaine and Eli shared custody of their son and daughter but they primarily reside in New York with Blaine because of their school. Eli and Nick had moved to Los Angeles together.

“What are you grinning about?” came Maisie’s voice as she entered the kitchen. She had on a t-shirt with the periodic table print over white fencing breeches. Her hair was braided neatly to one side, her fencing bag slung over her shoulder. 

“Nothing,” he said. Maisie narrowed her eyes at him. She was twelve going on thirty, Sebastian bemused. “I’m just… happy.”

Maisie softened at that. She strode over the little distance between them and tiptoed to peck a kiss to his cheek.

“Happy’s good,” she said before bounding off to another part of their home.

 _Their home_. The thought still rendered Sebastian speechless. Who would have thought five years ago, when he had fallen into bed with a married man against his better judgement, it would pave the way towards such joy. Albeit the pain and heartache he had to go through along the way.

“I’m happy too, you know?” Blaine quipped somewhere behind him. 

Sebastian turned to find his lover standing on the other side of the kitchen island, his hip canted seductively against it.

“Oh yeah? What do you have to be happy about?”

Blaine pushed off the island and walked- no, sashayed- towards him, his eyes glinting.

“Everything,” his lover said.

“Way to be vague, love,” Sebastian teased, chuckling.

Blaine stood before him now, their bodies pressed flush. Sebastian practically melted into his lover’s warmth. 

“I’m happy that I have my family under one roof,” Blaine said as he wrapped his arms around Sebastian’s waist. “I’m happy I get to wake up beside you every day- and that I get to come home to you every night.”

Sebastian smiled down at his lover, then stole a kiss at the corner of his mouth; one side, then the other simply because he could.

“Is that it?” he asked, not quite done with his teasing.

A laugh bubbled out of Blaine. A joyous sound. Happy. “Well, most of all-” his lover said, his lips a breath away from his. “- I am happy I get to call you my husband.”

The space Blaine had carved within him, that place inside that belonged to his husband, to Maisie, to Henry, glowed with happiness. _Husband_.

The night after Blaine’s divorce had been finalized, they had talked about the four years they had spent loving each other- three of those years a secret. 

“I am yours, heart and soul,” Blaine had whispered. “And I am no longer a married man.”

Sebastian had hummed his agreement. “But you could be again, you know,” he had said, testing the waters of a possible marriage between them. They hadn’t discussed it before; he never saw an appropriate time to bring it up- until then. “You could be a husband again. My husband.”

Blaine had gasped. 

“I am fine with the way things are, Blaine. It’s perfect as it is. I love you and that will never change. I just wanted to put it out there, if you think you’d want to- you know- get married, I am all for it.”

Blaine had nodded, but said nothing. He had been quiet that whole night.

Two days later, Blaine had come home with forms from the New York City Marriage Bureau and a velvet ring box.

“Yes.” It was all Blaine had said. Laden with affirmation, with a vow.

They were married a month later, a small ceremony on the rooftop of their apartment building. Blaine’s publicist, Rachel had acted as wedding planner and event manager, donning the rooftop with tasteful paper lanterns and string lights. Only their nearest and dearest bore witness to their union. Fifty people in total. 

Maisie and Henry had stood beside them both that evening as they said their vows, assuring one another of their love. They opted to stay home with the kids and forgo their honeymoon. There would be time for that, they had decided. There would be all the time in the world. All of todays, all of tomorrows.

Thudding footsteps down the hall brought Sebastian back to the present, reveling in his husband’s warmth.

“Henry!” they both yelled in unison.

“Sorry!”

Blaine sighed, feigning frustration. Sebastian only chuckled, his eyes drawn to the clock on the microwave. Almost time. Maisie had fencing. Henry had Little League practice.

“You need to leave in the next ten minutes or both our kids will be late,” he said. He noted just how his heart swelled at ‘our kids’. It happened the first time he said it not too long ago, and happened all the times that followed.

 _Ours_.

Blaine leaned in to capture his lips. He felt breathless. Five years later and his blood still sang with every kiss they shared.

“I love you,” his husband whispered, already pulling away.

“And I love you,” he replied easily, following Blaine out of the kitchen.

Maisie was standing by the elevator, already calling it up. Henry was stuffing his baseball bat in his backpack, his mitt hanging off the front by a clasp. 

“You guys have a great day, okay?” Sebastian said, bidding his family farewell.

“Bye, Sebastian,” Maisie called behind her as the elevator arrived. “Love you.”

Not for the first time, Sebastian felt his heart grew ten times its size, filled with love for his family.

“Love you!” Henry yelled, his ears covered by his headphones, no doubt playing his favourite tune of the week.

Sebastian reciprocated happily. “Love you guys.”

Blaine winked as he pocketed the car keys and stepped into the elevator.

“Hey,” his husband called just before the doors slid close. 

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for not quitting me.”

The words hit him right in the chest, knocking the air out of his lungs. It wasn’t the first time Blaine had said such a sentiment. He had said it that night at dinner after news of his divorce hit the internet. He had said it the day Sebastian had moved into the penthouse. He had said it on their wedding night.

And still-

It felt like the first time, every time; the words were layered with their tumultuous history, the love they had forged along the way. _Why can’t I quit you?_ he asked once. But despite it all, they had found a way to carve their own happiness out of the damage a secret relationship had inflicted on their hearts, their minds. They had found a way to heal.

“What made you decide to file for divorce? After all this time, why now?” Sebastian had asked one night years ago.

They were lying in bed, bodies bare, limbs tangled around each other. With a kiss to his nose, Blaine said, “Because, Sebastian- I realized I love you enough to never want to hurt you ever again.”

 _Enough_. That was all he ever wanted.

“I love you, and only you.”

That was the first step towards their healing, he remembered. They had found a great therapist soon after, someone who specialized in couple’s conflicts. There was a lot to unpack. Whatever residual resentment and anger and hurt Sebastian had felt in their secret time together needed an outlet, a place for him to understand his choices, his actions. Same went for Blaine; the underlying reason for his impulse to cheat on his husband, to seek comfort in Sebastian. They had laid it all bare.

They had argued, they had yelled, they had compromised.

They talked. And listened. And they healed.

The whistling of the sliding elevator doors drew Sebastian out of his reverie. He smiled at his husband, their children. And just before the doors closed all the way, he called-

“Dinner’s at seven. Don’t be late.”

\---END.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a sequel to [These Foolish Games.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4478600)
> 
> Thank you for reading.  
> Comments are always welcomed.


End file.
